WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
