I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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