I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
