it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
