even my farts smell like vagina
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize