i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
