he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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