Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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