She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
