you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
