Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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