I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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