2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
