My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
