I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize