i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize