so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
