She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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