He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
