I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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