I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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