I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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