omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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