I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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