That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize