Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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