i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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