i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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