due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
