seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
