I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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