Pappa wants mamma naked
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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