Dude my mom stole all your condoms
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize