Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
