Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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