I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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