I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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