apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
