No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry about my life...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
