Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
