just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
