So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
