It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
