i just had sex bonerless
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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