i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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