You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
