Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
