I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like abortions should bother me more
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize