I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
