I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
