weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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