woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
