Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
