I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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