Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
