My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
