I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there was a trapeze. enough said
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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