We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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