Duck Duck Cougar?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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