My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
