I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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