I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
