I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize