I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
