Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
