She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
