Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
