and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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