Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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