I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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