The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
